How I Lost Everything And Gained My Life.
The Moment That Changed My Life Forever.
Near my 30th Birthday, in 2008, I experienced some profound loss and pain in life to be drawn to the spiritual dimension. And I got awakened. Now I usually live in peace by being ONE with the present moment! But not always 🙂
I have lived my past life as a real estate entrepreneur in Dubai, Singapore, Mumbai and Malaysia. I was born in Extreme Poverty in India. Because of my poor childhood and growing up struggling to meet even the basic necessities of life, my ego was “conditioned” to feel scarcity and fear regarding the money. Hence my ego pushed me to work hard in the world to become “somebody” and achieve this or that.
In hindsight i always feel blessed by those tough life conditions. All were god’s grace in disguise.
After my awakening in 2008, I had a strong realization that chasing material success is empty and meaningless. I can still function in the world, although I realized that nothing I ever achieved could possibly “add anything” to my being.
In 2008, I was absolutely in a miserable state and was not sleeping well for three months or so, as my real estate company was going down due to the financial recession after years of my efforts. I realized that I would lose everything and the economic downturn will destroy my business. It eventually got destroyed and it was indeed a learning experience!
Life-Changing Moment In Intense Suffering
During that intense suffering, I realized my first spiritual awakening while reading Page 53 in the book, The Power of Now (Author: Eckhart Tolle) in the August 2008 recession in Dubai, UAE. The Power of Now is “Consciousness on Paper”.
Attached is the image of that page!
I still remember my thinking stopped while reading this sentence on page 53: “Focus your attention on the Now and tell me what problem you have at this moment… I am not getting any answer because it is impossible to have a problem when your attention is fully in the Now”
As soon as I read that passage,
My Mind Suddenly Stopped.
No Thoughts.
Just Stillness and all thoughts Disappeared.
My unhappy self deflated and my consciousness got free from identification with forms
I Lost Everything And I Gained My Life
After that awakening moment, I went into another room where my wife was watching TV and invited her to dance.
My identification with my problems, with money issues broken one by one in that moment. As if all the tension strings attached to my mind, which caused me misery, are broken. And I experienced pure awareness once my awareness got released with the identification with mental forms. I felt that I was born again. Literally. I felt so light, and I started to cry like a child after I stop dancing with my wife! My wife was a bit confused about seeing me like that. She told me later that she thought I went “crazy” ;
I Felt One With The Nature And Trees
The next day, I handed over my Ego’s favorite Cars’ key to my wife and asked her to drive. Now my wife was 100% confirmed that I went crazy. Why would I give her my favorite car to drive? Lol. On our way, I was just observing trees on the roads with absolute stillness lying sideways on the side seat like a kid. I never watched nature like this as it was a “waste of time” for me in my normal state. Usually, in my normal state, I was even scared to sit in a car when my wife was driving ..lol
There Was No Fear On That Day
I still remember we used to park our car on the terrace of my office building on the thirty-fifth floor. My wife needs to drive circularly on a narrow alley of parking floors to reach the thirty-fifth floor. Usually, I was scared sitting side by my wife when she was driving. But on that day, I never felt any fear. I can say that I never had a fear of death on that day. I never had a fear of losing anything on that day. The divine peace engulfed me.
When I went into my office and started speaking to my people, I felt their feelings by listening to them. As if I can sense what people are feeling. I absolutely felt ONE with them as if we are not separate. I realised that we are all ONE on the level of our being. I apologize to one of my people, Natasha, with tears in my eyes for misunderstanding. During those awakening days, I never had any expectations from my employees, and I want to listen to them.
The Dark Night of The Soul
Those days were magical days. My ordinary consciousness soon took over, and from that moment, my awakening is intensifying slowly..
After awakening, I encountered the Dark Night of the Soul. It is a long, depressing, and very dark experience that can continue for days, months or even years.
After my initial awakening phase, the spiritual awakening was not always a joyful process for me. Often I felt confused, frustrated, angry, sad, grieving, or “out of place”. It felt like the end of my known world with my its old habits and conditioning. Whatever life I had built on a competing, achieving, and acquiring mentality was not resonating with me anymore. Life was making no sense to me. Whatever resonated with me before awakening was not resonating with me anymore. For me, the spiritual awakening was an intense experience of personal transformation. I transformed from mind-consciousness to being-consciousness. But despite how much suffering my dying mind’s conditioning was causing me, deep in my being, I was aware that I was not going insane. I was evolving and in the process of going towards an Enduring awakening from a non-enduring awakening.
If you’re experiencing the Dark Night of the Soul, you will feel a sense of being lost. Your heart will be in anxiety as if your world with its known habits and conditioning is coming to an End.
This is because, after a spiritual awakening, your conditioned mind pattern is dying. While dying, your mind is making you feel miserable by re-identifying yourself with its old dysfunctional patterns.
After the Dark Night of the Soul, My Soul shined like a sun, and deep down, I started to feel its presence.
While a spiritual awakening is the process of rebirth of everything you are! The dark night of the soul is the process of dying of everything you are not!
I Surrendered To The Universe
Later in life, I surrendered to my physical pains of lower Brain Tumor surgery, my four years of intense chronic back pain, and then recovered fully.
For the last eight years, I left my real estate business! The realization of being within me has been steady and peaceful for the last four years.
Slowly, Slowly I left the path of competitiveness.
Once you are awake, Ego will try to delay it by making you extremely “fearful,” but you need courage to follow the path. You need to go inward and rest in your being. Everyday you have to come back to present moment, and out of your mind and emotions. You need to make this choice hundreds of time in a day. It will intensify your awakening and let you stay awake!
I will be glad to know your transforming moment if you are willing to share! Do send me an email: [email protected]. Thanks
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